I Love You.
Depression, Fear, Anger, Longing, Jealousy, Hate, Sadness, Hurt, Hope, Worry, Lonely, Very Lonely, Frustration, Lust, Dislike, Suffering, Sorrow, Insecurity, Isolation…
I haven’t written anything on my blog to do with me personally for ages, i think it is because i wanted to block all the sad shit and crap out of my life so not writing about it would help but recently , past couples days i’ve realised i really don’t like my life. Like my college course, 2 days a week, it’s not fun having 5 days off when you can’t get a job and get declined from places, it is not fun sitting in every single day thinking, sitting just doing nothing, i literally sit on my chair or bed and do nothing and it really gets to me, depresses me. like i have a social life but not really ? i talk to people on xbox ? that is pretty much all the socializing i do, yeah weekend just gone i went to a gig and went friends night after but this is very rare for me. and i think and i really am wasting my life, i don’t bother picking up my guitar as much anymore due to the fact i am never going to get anywhere with it, no one needs a guitarist whether for a metal band or a acoustic set to piss about in pubs with. so i feel i neglected it alot, especially my classical guitar… also this whole 5 days off 2 days college for a year to get the certificates, i found something today it is a 70 day city and guilds training, they give you cheap accommodation near the work place and you get given 70 days of official training and you get the qualifications and a possible job out of it, i know it means i will have to move away but i am really up for it, i am going to ring them tomorrow and see if they still need people. Because it will get my qualifications quicker and get me a new life. because this one sucks, im single, not working, live with parents, making no money, making no living at all, not much of a life or friend basis, don’t go out, can’t go out, feel like a loser so, need to kick myself in gear, so hopefully get this apprentice type thing, do the 70 day training wherever it is and get a job out of it hopefully. Just ignoring the shit facts of my life at this moment, i think if i did think about all the shit going on, it would drive into me to deep and wouldn’t be able to do much so THINK POSITIVE and keep happy steve.